It will never end..

I'm still crying every night.. It never ends :/ maybe there's something wrong with my brain or something because it doesn't matter how far I am from things that hurt me I will cry to sleep every day.

I am the problem, that's why anything works.. Antidepressants used to work pretty damn well, when I was on amitriptyline I didn't feel like shit.. I was sad on the inside but I couldn't cry and that was good for me because my eyes weren't sore anymore.

It's been almost 8-9 months since I stopped taking medicine like Prozac.. Now I wish I had one pill to feel normal :( this is getting out of hand, even my dreams are changing, I'm having nightmares but I CAN'T REMEMBER THEM!! :'( all I know is I wake up feeling sad, scared.. Shivering and sometimes feeling like throwing up :s but I haven't done it yet... I don't know what kind of dreams would put you into this situation but whatever..

Also, its been 14 days since I ran away from home.. I feel like the worst person in the world I swear :'/ but I didn't want to live there anymore I wanted freedom.. And many other things. Yesterday I received a text message from my mom, she said she loves me and she doesn't understand why I took this decision.. But I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to know anything regardless all the stuff she did for me according to everyone.. I just don't care :/

Yes, I wanted to die, but my attempts are weak because I do fear what's beyond death... But I still seek it and I don't think I'm doing it for attention I just can't explain.

I made this blog to let go things I wish I could scream :( its something that makes me feel better I guess..

I'm sure my depressions will never end and I will be like this until the end :(